Best Self Help

• A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. ...
  A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.<br><br>The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.<br><br>The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.<br><br>The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
• How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
  How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?<br><br>One-two, one-two, one-two.
• What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
  What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?<br><br>Men always miss them.
• What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
  What's the difference between a blonde and your job?<br><br>Your job still sucks after 6 months.
• Judi and Jon got married and she was at the drugstore looking at the men's ...
  Judi and Jon got married and she was at the drugstore looking at the men's toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.<br><br>"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon, but I don't know what type he uses."<br><br>The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"<br><br>"No," says Judi, it's for his underarms."
• Little Porny was bored, so she decided to go see what her mother was doing. As ...
  Little Porny was bored, so she decided to go see what her mother was doing. As she walked into her mother's room, she heard her say: "Shit!" She asked her mother what that meant and her mother said: "Dear, it's just another word for make-up".<br><br>So she goes on her way past her brothers room, she hears him say: "Cunt and tits" Sshe goes in and asks: "What does that mean?" He says: "Ooh thats another word for coats and hats."<br><br>She goes down-stairs to the kitchen to get a drink and again hears her dad say: "Fuck!" She asks: "Daddy what does that means?" "Aah! my little one, thats another word for stuffing the turkey."<br><br>So she comfortably gets her drink and goes to watch a movie. Few minutes later, the door bell rings, she runs to get it opened and says: "Come in, can I take your cunts and tits? Mom is up-stairs putting shit on her face, daddy is down stairs fucking the turkey!"
• Yo momma is so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone.
  Yo momma is so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone.

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